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I am Job

[Originally published at the now defunct group blog explananda.com]


Posted on November 18, 2003
Tags: anecdotes

There was a man in the land of New York and his name was CY. and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God, and turned away from evil. He had a laptop, which was worth more to him than all of the oxen of New Jersey. And lo he did blog on his laptop. And he worked mightily on his PhD during the day, and during the evenings reclined with his laptop and watched Monty Python videos borrowed (for free!) from his university’s library. And he was pure of heart, or at least pure enough to hate the evil Bush.

Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came among them. The LORD said to Satan, “Whence have you come?” Satan answered the LORD, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” And the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant CY, not a perfect man to be sure, but at least he dislikes Bush? And verily he treasures his laptop as a man should.”

Then Satan answered the LORD, “Does CY fear computer failure for nought?

Hast thou not hitherto delivered him from system failure, even though he tempted fate this very summer by switching to a PC because he was too cheap [ed. Satan is unfair here. He was too poor.] to buy a Mac? But put his laptop to failure and he will curse his fate to your face."

And the LORD said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your power; only upon himself do not put forth your hand.” So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.

And CY was frolicking with his laptop on Sunday, tinkering with a blog entry before resuming work on his paper to be delivered on Wednesday, and lo, his computer became sluggish. And lo! when he rebooted his computer began to repair itself. But verily it was completely kaput.

And CY fell on the ground and said: “Without a laptop was I this summer, and without a laptop am I now. Anyway, it’s under warranty and as chance would have it I backed up my paper on my email account an hour before disaster.”

In all this CY did not sin or despair or feel especially sorry for himself, beyond a little pouting to his wife.

Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan also came among them to present himself before the LORD. And the LORD said to Satan, “Whence have you come?” Satan answered the LORD, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” And the LORD said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant CY, that he’s holding up pretty well considering how much he loves his laptop and how nervous he is about the talk.”

Then Satan answered the LORD, “What. Ever. But put forth thy hand now, and touch his email account and he will sob like a little girlyman.” And the LORD said to Satan, “Behold, he is in your power; only spare the laptop itself.”

And so when CY went to check his email Tuesday morning, the day before the talk, verily was his email down. And Satan singled him out, since the email shortage seemed to affect very few people on campus, though the computer geeks did note mail server problems in isolated cases. And verily was CY an isolated case.

And then did CY curse his dependence on technology, having been screwed once before he got his laptop and by the same idiots who run his school’s email server. And then did he curl into a ball and wimper and resign himself to finishing the talk in the computer lab, a process involving not only a lot of typing but also the futile attempt to filter out inane conversations going on around him a good deal of the time.

And so, he’d better get to work and stop playing with his blog. But you’ll surely understand if it’s a little quieter around here for a few days.

BONUS HELPER POINTS: Anyone know what you do if you think you might have lost your Home XP System disk? Verily, I suspect I’m fucked.

UPDATE (much later): If you’ve just wandered in from Wampum or anywhere else, I’ve written a little welcome here.