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Here comes the flood

[Originally published at the now defunct group blog explananda.com]

Posted on October 13, 2005
Tags: anecdotes

It’s raining. Inside my apartment. We’ve just moved into an apartment on the sixth floor of a six floor building. It seems there’s a problem with the roof.

“Oh, the sixth floor,” says a neighbour. “Last year they had terrible problems, and the repairs were almost entirely cosmetic. I’m not surprised.”

“This is why I hate the sixth floor,” says the security guy, peering up at the light fixture in our hallway, which is overflowing with water.

The round Russian super ruefully scratches his big Russian belly, and turns his sad, sad, Russian eyes to me. “It is not my fault,” he pleads. “You must remember I not God,” he reminds. “God do 100%. I only do 99%. I not God.” I nod in agreement, but he doesn’t know that it’s because I’m an atheist. He laughs in a way that says, “Hey, let’s laugh about this.”

The rain subsides a little outside, the dripping slows; it comes down harder, and the dripping speeds up. The dripping slows, my wife paces and frets; it speeds up, she paces more quickly and curses out loud.

It is raining in our apartment in what I have to admit is the most convenient place for it to rain. The front hall has nothing of value in it. The leak only seems to be destroying a 25 square foot patch of ceiling and a bit of a wall. When it stops raining they say they’ll try to fix it. So, no biggie. But still. It’s raining inside my apartment.


Author: upyernoz
Date: 2005-10-13

well, at least the rain will scare the cops away so they can’t sodomize you with a brookstick handle. it’s well known that cops don’t like to get wet.

…or maybe that’s “cats”

Author: Chris
Date: 2005-10-13

Well, there’s also my pasty complexion. That’s even handier than the indoor rain.

Author: Anne
Date: 2005-10-13

Chris, I am so sorry. Soory, even.

Noz, you honest-to-god just made me spit water on myself. So you can add that to your resume: “makes the ladies spit on themselves”.

Author: Chris
Date: 2005-10-13

Oh, it’s really not a big deal. At least, it’s not a big deal if the ceiling holds up. As I said, it really is the best place in the apartment for a leak. “A” came over today and laughed at the water dripping down over the electrical cords, but I’m guessing it’ll all be fine.

Author: D.
Date: 2005-10-14

I remember subletting an apartment from A. where, when it rained, you had to take a running jump from the kitchen to the bedroom so as not to be completely drenched by the waterfall.

Author: Chris
Date: 2005-10-14

I guess those stupid turtles of A’s needed a damp environment, eh?