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Like the anus of a starfish

[Originally published at the now defunct group blog explananda.com]


Posted on June 26, 2006
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I’m reading Jonathan Ames’s extremely silly Wake Up, Sir!. This comes from p. 212 and 213:

I wasn’t looking at a man. Standing behind a large antique desk was some kind of hybrid of man, woman, animal, fruit, and vegetable. . .

I’ll start with the dimensions. Dr. Hibben was a seven-footer, if you can imagine a pear that big. He had unusually wide hips and unusually narrow shoulders.

At the top of the pear was an enormous head, in the shape of a rugby ball, and this rugby-ball head was disastrously covered with orange-brown freckles, like an overripe banana. Had the man never heard of skin cancer?

There were tufts of orangish hair on the sides of the head, and near the top of all this, high on the rugby ball, were two kindly blue dots - his eyes, I presumed. His nose was hard to make out, lost as it was in a galaxy of freckles. A small pink hole, like the anus of a starfish, opened, and from far away I heard a deep voice say . . .

That, I think, is all you need to decide whether you’d like to buy the book or pay to have the author knocked off so that he can no longer inflict this sort of writing on the world, or something in between.

Comments


Author: DC
Date: 2006-06-26

Well, this I laughed at, but how I’d feel after 213 pages is another matter.



Author: Chris
Date: 2006-06-26

It is indeed.



Author: DC
Date: 2006-06-26

He might have sent it in to Normblog as 400 short short stories.



Author: Chris
Date: 2006-06-26

Mmmmm, not much plot in that excerpt though.

Some of those stores are not bad, eh?



Author: DC
Date: 2006-06-26

Yeah, I agree. I love that idea about cancelling the wedding because the groom claims to have “guessed” the twist after it’s been revealed. It seems similtaneously like an absurdity straight out of Seinfeld, and completely reasonable. And the one about the dropped Indian baby was quite affecting in a clever way.